i remember
by HPobsession
Summary: harry looks back, on the heartache, the sadness and the loss of his life, he is joined by the two people that embody the friends that he lost, his family...harry hermione...and everything in between...


A/N: if you don't like a sad Harry, bordering on DEPRESSED, please don't read, but if you appreciate my approach on his life story please do..

enjoy...

with love,

hpobsession.

* * *

I remember the first time I met you, looking back, I admit that I was being stupid…it wasn't as though you gave me a reason to like you, but it was just the way that you seemed to know everything that got on my nerves. Of course, Ron treated you with as little empathy as a troll, but I didn't ease up on you either, he was my friend, my only one at that, and I wasn't looking forward to a reason to let him go. 

Then on Halloween…we saved you, and you saved us, but if it hadn't been for Ron's scathing comment you would never have been in that situation in the first place. I remember the look on your face when we faced that troll, it made me tremble and my heart felt like it was in my throat, you were the first girl, that I ever had the pleasure of being friends with, and through all the years, all the trials, we remained friends, you, Ron and I, we were the dream team, the golden trio, unbreakable even in times of anger or hurt, there was always a bond between us.

I didn't realise until too late, that I loved you more then any other person in the word. Even Ron. You were the missing link in my life, and after Hogwarts, after destroying Voldemort, after becoming a healer, and trying to move on with my life, you were the one constant that helped me move on.

It's such a silly thing…that after fighting alongside us in the final battle, Ron became a hero as well, only to die at the hands of nature, a muggle disease, cancer. That winter after Voldemort's fall was the worst…I remember it like it was yesterday, I watched you across his bed and you watched me…we made a vow that day, to never forget our bond, no matter where life took us.

At his funeral, you wept beside me, I can still feel you trembling beside me, I still feel it today, that was the first time I saw you break down, I knew that it wasn't because you had any feelings for him other then a love, not much different then the love you would give a brother, but that you, like I, felt a part of our soul vanish the moment his last breath escaped him. Your trembling subsided, we were the last that remained, his family had left long before, and the sky was beginning to fade to black, we sat there for a long time, sharing our final sunset together, your tears cooling and drying away on my shoulder. Your eyes were slowly going back to normal, and I knew that for you, it was goodbye. At that thought it was my turn to shed my strong exterior for you, I held back the tears long enough to help you through the pain. You held me while I cried, like I did for you, you swept your hand through my hair. I'll never forget that feeling.

It still lingers today, its been years since that day, twenty exactly, I felt cheated, yeat another person to leave me on this place to rot. But you were there…we lived as best we could…sometimes it was survival, living day by day…but soon things began to change, it had been about three and a half years after Hogwarts, and I found you at your home, listening to music, the music from our graduation ball, the one you and I danced to, while Ron watched on, with Lavender at his side…things seemed wonderful then, even after the deaths of so many…you were crying, little sobs reflecting the agony inside. I watched from the doorway, you left it unlocked, I never had to ask, I would usually just walk in, and I even had my own set of keys. Sometimes we would sit together in silence, reminiscing the good times, remembering the hard times, and savouring the time we all spent together. We didn't dwell, or at least I didn't, it seemed, when I was watching you from the doorway, that you had been, although I didn't know why, I guess he meant a lot more to you then you let show, he was our family, it hurt to finally acknowledge he was gone. But we did. I still go there today, to his grave, still bring him a bottle of butterbeer, in reminder of the old times, I'm getting old, life has taken its toll…

Although it hurt dearly to lose a friend, a brother like him, it doesn't compare to losing the life we could have shared…

I remember the smell of your hair, when I would wake up in the morning, I remember it smelt like honey, and caramel apples. You took up baking, much to my amusement, you were fairly good at it, there were several fires, but you insisted on the muggle way, that's what I loved about you, still do…hard working and determined even in the hardest of times. You were my anchor, and I like to think I was yours…you told me enough times. You were everything I had, a link to the past, and a pathway to the future…I remember when you told me you thought you were pregnant, a few months after our wedding, by then we were both twenty three. I thought that we had been through enough in our young lives to be able to handle a child. I was surprised when we went to a muggle hospital and found out it was twins. TWINS! I was ecstatic, I was so HAPPY! And that day I knew that after five years, five painful years of mourning, Ron was looking down on us with his big goofy grin, happy that we were finally moving on.

I remember that day when you were sitting out your dressing table brushing your hair, you cut me off a piece and left your hair in a box hidden deep within our closet, you said "just in case", at the time, I had no idea what you meant, I do now… you were in your ninth month, and we were expecting in a few days, your belly was huge, I couldn't get my arms around you, even though you were small compared to me, but it didn't stop me from loving you, you were beautiful, and your pregnancy made you radiate, you were glowing and everyday was something special.

I remember that, on the days I didn't have to go to St Mungo's we would lie in bed, and talk to the babies. We knew that they were going to be very active babies, with the way they kicked and tossed and turned, it was heaven for me, to lie there and hold your stomach and kiss you and cuddle you as best I could, to whisper words of advice to them for when they were to grow up, and play Quidditch. Everything was perfect, and on the day of your labour we were so excited (you of course were panting and putting on a brave face). I was crying! Tears of joy! I wanted to sing to the world! We decided to go to a muggle hospital, it meant a lot to you to give birth in the same hospital you were born. I accepted without hesitation.

I remember…you were clutching my hand, it was painful but I smiled for you, I didn't want to make you upset, you were sweating and your breathing was shallow and short. I began to worry when 13 hours into your labour you still had not given birth. You were also smiling, hiding the pain, but I knew better, I held you also, you never looked away and neither did I… Soon after the clock on the wall began to chime three in the morning, twenty-four hours since we arrived, I grew alarmed when the nurses and doctors taking care of you began whispering and hurrying around the room. I was beginning to panic when I looked at you and your eyes were fluttering and your gown was drenched in blood and fluids. I began to try and make you look at me, your eyes would open and close, sometimes you recognised me sometimes you would mumble incoherently and begin to gasp for air and clutch your stomach in pain. I was terrified, when an alarm went up and an overseer ordered a nurse to find the head obstetrician. You began to bleed heavily and I was calling out your name as several male nurses were forced to carry me out of the room. The alarms were going off, there were lights flashing and people yelling orders, but I was in my own word, it was all falling apart…from heaven to hell in a matter of hours, I felt like dying when I overheard a nurse and doctor hurriedly talking in the hallway, I only heard a few words but they were enough to send me into hysterics…

"We have to operate…" the doctor said, I looked from the nurse to doctor then back again, even from the waiting room I could hear them talking out in the hallway a mere ten meters away from your room.

I was losing control; I wasn't going to lose our babies! I WASN'T GOING TO LOSE YOU! I began to fight the men restraining me, I couldn't use magic because it was a muggle hospital and there were newborns in the vicinity. I was drained from hours of sitting by your bed. My strength was vanishing. The last thing I saw before I passed out was you watching me while they carted you off to the operating room, I saw a smile on your face, I knew that you knew what was coming, you called out weakly "I love you" and blew me a kiss.

Hours later I awoke in the ward you had been residing in when you started having contractions. I looked around, my eyes blurry without my glasses, but even as I saw your empty bed and the sun shining through the open window, I felt rather then knew that you were gone. It was agonising, I felt like I was being torn into little pieces from the inside out, a feral animal breaking loose from its bonds destroying everything inside me, I thought you were gone…all of you…the only evidence of my pain on the surface, was a single tear.

I moved to the seat I had been sitting in when you were in labour and sat there. I didn't know how long I was sitting there when the doctor came to check if I had awoken, but I felt broken, I had fallen into a despair so deep, at first I didn't hear what he said had happened to our babies, I was staring at your bed, they had fixed it, as though you were never there. After I nodded my head absently, I was shocked to find two beautiful baby girls being placed in my arms. They were angels, identical and every part of them belonged to you and I. Their eyes were mine; their wisps of hair were yours, baby soft and chestnut brown. They had intelligent eyes and glowed in an innocent iridescence. I still believe you embody them, heart and soul…I learned to live again through them, but I'll never forget the way you held me that day at Ron's funeral, that is where it blossomed, our love, our lives started when we said goodbye…and I had to say goodbye again…but you never left me I never stopped loving you… I tried to move on, with someone else, she didn't know who I was, but she couldn't take it, everything was about you, we separated soon after, the girls were glad, I was young when you left me to take care of them…you made me strong…oyu still do…

Now our daughters are in their fourth year at Hogwarts, they are just as brilliant as you, just as reluctant to stick to the rules, and both in Gryffindor. They are perfect, healthy and loving. They have your big heart, (although you would say it was my big heart they inherited, so I say its even) and your generosity, and strangely your passion to free house elves. I know you would have disapproved, but we have one, guess who? DOBBY! He brought winky along a few months later. I needed the help. I never remarried, although I know you would have preferred I did, well I feel like my life is perfectly fine as it is, the girls keep me sane, they keep me going. They were very brave… one day they asked me to tell them about their hero mother, I told them everything, I gave them the photos of you and I, of Ron and all our friends your graduation scroll and the tiara you wore the night of the graduation ball, I gave them everything I could to let them get to know you…i named them Lily and Elizabeth Granger-Potter...we live in the home you made beautiful, i can still smell the Honey and the caramel applewhen i walk through the house, i found a strange charm on the lock of hair you left me, and the note...i didn't see you put it there, but it hurt to read it...

Harry,

i should have told you this a long time ago, when we first found out i was pregnant, there is a high risk that my pregnancy may have some complications. If anything ever happens to me, i'm sorry i didn't tell you...this is so you can remember me, just in case...

all the love in the world,

Hermione.

You made me strong…you brought me life, and here I stand at your grave with them now, and I'm sending you a prayer,

_Watch over us,_

_Shine the light you used to shine, _

_Keep Ron Company, _

_Know that we love you, _

_Help me keep our daughters safe, _

_Watch them grow, _

_I send my love, _

_I miss you, _

_They do too, _

_They see how you kept me happy,_

_They love you to, _

_Always and forever._

_R.I.P…it hurts to remember, you were my salvation…_

A/N: I hope you liked it...please review!

with love,

Hpobsession.


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